As I meditate, I start to wonder, "When will this be over?" My mind goes to the timer counting down on my phone lying next to me. My eyes are closed, but I imagine how much time I have left. I can almost see the numbers.
I try to focus on my breath, but similar thoughts keep coming back. It's definitely been 10 minutes by now. Maybe I didn't set the timer correctly. I have this idea for a piece of writing and I don't want to forget it. Maybe I should just open my eyes and stop the mediation here. I'll try again to do 10 minutes tomorrow morning.
Then I realize: these are thoughts. They are sounds in my head like the sounds of cars driving by outside. I can just let them drive by. I don't chase the cars down the street. Why do I chase these thoughts?
These thoughts are sneaky. They are like thieves after my consciousness. They sneak in, they run out, and I chase after them. When I catch up, they open their bags to show me their spoils—more thieves, with more bags. I fall down the rabbit hole until I smack myself in the forehead with my palm as I realize I've fallen for it again.
Thoughts do stuff to us. They make us do things. Motivate us. Make us mad. But sometimes you don't need to be doing those things that your thoughts are trying to get you to do.
Still, it can be hard to control yourself. Your thoughts come one after another and you feel like you can't stop them (especially when you're emotional). Then the thoughts lead to action, and you do something that you didn't mean to do.
What I'm realizing is the profound importance of coming back to the breath.
When I meditate, I fall down these rabbit holes of thought, smack myself in the forehead (figuratively), and then return to focusing on my breath. Eventually, I fall down a rabbit hole of thought, and the process starts over again.
I think I read somewhere that one measure of progress in meditation is gradually shortening the amount of time it takes for you to realize that you have been thinking thoughts and that you are no longer focusing on your breath.
What occurred to me during my meditation this morning, which is what I'm really trying to convey here, is this: if you focus on your breath, you release your consciousness from intrusive thoughts.
For example, when I was having thoughts about how much time I had left in my meditation, I didn't want to be having those thoughts. I wanted to finish my meditation. But I couldn't stop the thoughts. And that's when I realized, aha! This is exactly why I meditate. This is the practice.
If I had been focusing on my breath, then I wouldn't have been focusing on those thoughts about how much time I had left. As I was having each of those thoughts about time, I was wishing I wouldn't. I wanted the thoughts to go away so that I could just meditate. But that right there is exactly it!
When I am focusing on my breath, I am not thinking those thoughts. Eventually, I have the thoughts again. And then, I go back to focusing on my breath.
This is the practice. It's called practice for a reason. It takes training and repetition. Eventually, I'll start to shorten the amount of time it takes for me to realize that I have been thinking thoughts and that I am no longer focusing on my breath.
At some point, I imagine I'll be able to focus on my breath for 10 minutes straight and not think a single thought the whole time.
While everything you said is most common in beginners, it’s usually very important not to publish such opinions. Meditation is one of the words most abused in the world and it means something unique to each person, it has to be very personal to that person. In fact it’s better you don’t share your experience even with your wife. One has to figure out their own meaning of meditation. A beginner who read your thoughts is vulnerable to think that his experience is the same. His vision is not pure now. It’s prejudiced. One of the ways you can amplify the impact of a thought is to describe it. The more you put it in words, the more it stays with you and becomes bigger. It’s just a humble suggestion. I don’t mean to discourage. Hope you don’t misunderstand.