Meditating on my back pain
I am thinking about my back pain. It occurs to me that maybe if I just pay attention to the pain for long enough, it will tell me what it wants to say.
I usually avoid the pain and try to change it. I judge that it is bad or will lead to something bad in the future. For this reason, I treat it with fear. I try to avoid it when I start to feel it. I avoid it at least because I don't want to feel the pain, but also, and this is an intuitive sense, because I'm trying to avoid something else, something deeper than just the pain. Perhaps something emotional.
I just have this immediate thought that it's bad and I don't want it to continue, so I take quick actions to change it. But this will not work if what I'm dealing with is actually a feeling.
It is like when I have a conversation with my girlfriend and she tells me how she is feeling and I try to solve the problem quickly. But then she tells me, “There is no problem. I just want you to listen to how I'm feeling.”
Maybe my back pain is like this. I just need to listen. I just need to go to that space of pain and pay attention there. If I can exist there without judgment, maybe my pain will feel comfortable enough to talk, and I will hear more than if I go to it with a plan to change it.